To Date Or Not To Date

To date or not to date that is the question. The dating scene is clearly what you make it. Dating can be hard and frustrating or it can be fun and exciting. Me, personally have not been on the scene in a while. Lately I’ve been hearing of other singles trying out speed dating, Internet dating sites and game nights with single friends that bring other single friends. However, how do you meet friends, single people without going through the bar scene, the clubs or the Internet? If you’re a single Christian and you choose to wait on God, how to you approach the dating life of being single???

I’ve heard and read in the Bible that singles are to be devoted to God, the cares of the kingdom of God and taking care of whatever needs the ministry lacks that you’re connected too. I have also heard that you’ll never find a mate if you don’t make yourself available. My personal belief is that of the Bible in Proverbs 30; he who finds a wife, finds a good thing and obtains favor with The Lord. For now, I just make sure I keep my appearance up whenever I go out, I make sure I’m seen and not heard, I make sure I am not in ungodly situations and trying my best to wait on God without becoming impatient and making the wrong move with the wrong person.

I now trust God’s timing, where as before I had no patience. Yet, I do wonder from time to time what I am suppose to do if anything??? I see many single people, Christian and non Christian dating and hanging out.they are at the movies, eating out, at kick backs and so on. I also see many at each others homes and at family functions. My question to them is how do they know when to move pass the friend zone? How do you know when it is appropriate to go pass only dating in public places vs being in his or her home. Is it based on you know your limits as to what you can and can not handle. If God delivered you from a sexual demonic spirit that caused you to fornicate, do you think it is appropriate for you to have company at your home and late at night???

If you have kids, being a single parent is another major factor. When do you feel it is appropriate to have that man or woman around your kids? How soon is too soon? I know Steve Harvey says to think like a man but act like a lady. If most individuals aren’t sure about certain areas of their individual lives, if they do not know who they are, if they do not have a clue about being single let alone being single with kids but learning how to date, this can be confusing.

Once you start dating, being an adult but you are a Christian and connected to your spiritual leaders, how soon do you let them meet the person you are dating. Once they give you a blessing Or if they disapprove; are you obedient??? Hmmmm…good question. If you are not waiting on God or obeying God concerning these areas of your life, how can you be obedient to your spiritual parents???

Dating is complicated in its own right. You have to guard your heart and protect your emotions. Women are so emotional it is almost scary when women go into a friendship thinking long term when they have no clue if the man is even thinking past a mere dinner date. Men are more logical and we women are very emotional. Writing our first names with their last names to see how it looks and sounds. This is after meeting the man,yes it seems silly but women go so far into the future it’s sometimes unreal. We can laugh and make jokes but some women go there. If men are not honest and real up front in the beginning, it causes problems in the long run. People seem to fail to realize, women are built this way and even though we can choose to have control over our emotions, most women once emotionally tied to a man and once sexually engaged it takes her emotions for that man to another level. So if me are not ready for commitment and a future with this woman, don’t toy with her, do not have sex with her and it really is ok to let her know that you don’t have those intentions with her. Maybe it will make her more aware of her emotional side and to slow things down. Men have to stop playing on those emotions knowing good and well that he doesn’t want her as his girlfriend, wife or mother of his children. Dating isn’t about sex, living together or cooking all his meals or washing his clothes.

Dating is about getting to know a person. Dating is going out on dates, going to the movies. Bowling, skating,picnics in the park and lunch dates on the weekends. It’s about go cart riding, mountain climbing and ice skating. I mean it is suppose to be fun and lively as you get to know a person and they get to know you. It is suppose to be free, no restrictions as far as having good, clean fun. As time goes on and you get to know one another more, you get to see the real individual. Because people can only suppress a nasty attitude for so long, they only can hide poor money management for so long. You get to see what makes them tick and what makes them smile. You will find out all their secrets,in and outs and their ups and downs. This allows you to see if you can even be in a relationship with them. It allows you to see If they are even right for you, if you can see yourself in a long term committed relationship with this individual. It allows you to see if you guys have anything in common. It will also s
Allow you to see if they believe In opening car doors, pulling out your chair, if they are protective or possessive, if they are sincere or caring, if they have integrity and morals. It allows you to get to know a person for who they really are, bottom line. Whether it is good or bad.

Being friends first is so cliche however, it is necessary because at some point you will even develop a new sense of who you are, what you want and don’t want in a relationship and what you will and will not allow. I have learned that time will tell it all. What time don’t tell the wash will rinse it out and air dry it right before your eyes. Now, what all you learn is up to you. Most women go from one date to the bed, which is bad bad business. Most women go from two dates to engaged. Again,bad business. Some women may not even give the man a chance. I always refer back to the women because the power is ours. The problem in that lies in the fact that we don’t know we have the power and surrender our power to the man and the he dictates how this will be. No, sweetie. There is power in your “power”. When you hold back that power, you get better results. When you give that power over,you get gassed. Period. There’s no pretty way to put it.

In dating, take your time. What’s the rush???? Because whatever God has for you, it is for you. No one can take it away and no one can add to it. God has the final say so. Don’t be discouraged and settle or give up because you are getting a little older or because you haven’t settled down yet. Don’t give up or settle because you don’t have kids yet or because you’re tired of being alone. Go out,date have fun but in all things use discretion and wisdom. In dating, remember the power is yours and do not settle. Do not give up what you believe in just because the other person doesn’t.

Allow dating to be fun and exciting. Don’t allow it to consume you, a relationship and marriage will happen for you when it’s time. God has not forgotten about you, so please don’t forget about the word of God concerning your life and future. Be patient, be wise and date. It’s okay,it all depends on what you’re looking for and what you are expecting. Just do not allow it to consume you, again be patient and wise. Always use discretion in dating.

For those of us who don’t like the bar scene or the club scene, karaoke is fun, restaurants that offer cooking classes are fun, live jazz bands in the park are always a good idea. Also, go on Yelp for fun places to go in your area. There are many different things to do for dating and soon to be couples so, don’t stress over it. Google can always be your go to place when planning and ask around for suggestions. Always make sure that they have a consistent prayer life and a relationship with God. When things get rough and tough, please believe prayer will take you a long way as well as a partner who knows God just as much as you do. One can put a thousand to flight but two can put ten thousand to flight. (Food for thought once deciding to move past the dating stage.)

So, my single people have faith, move forward and have fun.


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