Bag Lady

Often we as humans naturally tend to dwell on things of the past. Whether this relates to relationships, jobs,church,our parents,friends or our kids. Sometimes it hinders us from moving forward and it pumps the brakes on any future that we’d love to have with someone else. Any time that we move forward without getting rid of baggage, it is a disaster waiting to happen. So many times I’ve seen and even myself go into a new relationship before completely healing from the old relationship. Then we go and get these self help books and try to apply it to our lives when in essence, we should not be trying to date anybody until we look at the situation at a whole and begin to dispose of certain bags we have allowed to rent space in our minds and emotions for free. It has been there too long and it is long overdue that we evict all this excess baggage that will block our present and future blessings. Take for instance, the books that Steve Harvey writes. I love his books because they are on point, however I feel life coaches such as myself or others and maybe some counselors should step in and say,”before you buy that book, lets do some damage control and throw out some of this baggage.” As of right now, when men see you there is a sign that is completely invisible to you, however men see “baggage” when they see you. Yes, you may be beautiful, you may be built like a brick house and have a nice ride and car, but you look like you are simply too much work. Then there are some that really don’t have it all together, but they are trying. Even then your self esteem is so low that it’s just too much work for a man to come in and fix it. Even when he tells you that you’re beautiful, you say something like shut up or boy stop playing because you’re not used to being complimented. Again, baggage. So now, just for now were going to call you bag lady.

Now, I’m not writing this to come down on you, because I’ve been there. What I am doing is helping you understand that you don’t have to stay there. You can grow and develop from this. It makes you wiser. It also makes you vulnerable only because you’re now free within. It’s okay to be that way just protect and guard your heart. Don’t go back down the same road again and don’t date just anybody again. Date someone worthy of your time, love and energy. You can’t find that until you have rid yourselves of these bags and then my lady your love will find you. For the bible declares, he who finds a wife, finds a good thing and obtains favor from The Lord.

Now, here we are looking at all this baggage. What baggage??? Hmmmm, past baggage. Abuse, abandonment, emotional issues, baby daddy issues, low self esteem,no confidence, maybe you’re not where you want to be in life, maybe you didn’t finish school, maybe you want to be married but keep,attracting the wrong men or you could be using your kids as a crutch as to why you don’t date. Wherever you find yourself in here, please know that you can change it at any given time. That’s only if you want too. What helped me is taking a hiatus from relationships to work on me. I knew I needed to do a spiritual cleansing and free myself from soul ties and become celibate. In the beginning it was hard because it seemed as if once I decided that; every man and his daddy wanted to date and dine me. Until I realized it was a set up from the devil to keep me distracted and bound I was falling for it. Once I mastered it I then had to be mentally prepared to stick this out and mean it. I then realized that I deserved better and that it started with me treating myself better.

This is the process to proper healing. When you begin to heal, get rid of old phone numbers, stop the late night booty calls, stop sending naked pics to get his attention, stop calling just because you’re lonely and please stop beating yourself up because the last relationship failed and you’re single. Now, replace your lonely days with a movie, dinner or a good book to read. Call your best girlfriend and go out for ice cream. You have to find you a hobby. What is something that you’ve always wanted to do but never did it??? Mine was beading. I started my own online beading company. I began to spend my afternoons and evenings making bracelets and necklaces. Then it evolved to t-shirts and hats. You can find me on Instagram at Adriennekdesigns or my website at This took up a lot of my time because I wanted to succeed. Now, my time is occupied and I’m no longer looking for love or a new boo.

Now, begin to renew your mind and think highly of yourself. This helps rid low self esteem and builds your confidence. Look in the mirror and say to yourself, you are beautiful and you are loved. You are a wonderful person and you deserve the best. Affirm yourself daily, quite often throughout the day. As you begin to build your own confidence, you don’t need validation from others and you won’t appear needy or like you have a lot of baggage. This begins to reflect outwardly attracting better thoughts, emotions and people into your life. But as this begins, please don’t jump into another relationship. I is okay to have friends, however don’t fool yourself into thinking you’re ready for love.

If you want to go back to school, start a new career or hobby; now is the time to do it and be great at it. You’re free from relationships and obligations. Use this time wisely. Begin to develop better habits as far as cleaning, budgeting your finances or keeping yourself up. Make this time count because when your mate does come, it will no longer be about you. It will be about the both of you. And if kids come into play, you really have limited “me time”. I urge you to use this time to become a better you.

Begin to develop your relationship with Christ and everyday at the same time meet God in your prayer closet. Pray and read your bible. You can even mediate or take a walk a just talk to God. Make it an everyday habit. What this does is give you a balance between the spirit and the natural. It gives you stability and a solid foundation. Also, prayer changes things, that’s what is going to help change you!!! People often ask is it easy? No, of course not but it is so worth it. Does it feel good? No, of course. To, but it is good for you. Once this begins to take place you will begin to see a more beautiful you from the inside out. Also, begin walking every morning for thirty minutes a day. I say morning because it is the beginning, the start of something fresh and your beginning will determine your end. Throughout the day guard your eye and eat gates from negative things and talk. Surround yourself with positive people and things. Whether its changing what you watch on t.v. or what kind of music you listen too. Just make sure it is positive because it begins to develop a more positive you from the inside out.

This doesn’t happen overnight and I can’t write out an oral prescription, but what I can do is encourage you that it is well worth the hard work, persistence and dedication. We’re talking about YOU!!! Don’t you believe you are worth the change to bring a better life into your existence???? I pray you do because one thing for sure and two things for certain, God can turn a mess into a message and a test into a testimony!!! So how will your story end??? Will you rid yourself of excess baggage and stop being labeled as ” bag lady”?

Become The Lady of Royalty, Reason and Resilience by allowing change to take place. Become a Lady of Power, Passion and Praise. Become a Proverbs 31 Lady that provokes change in others and demands respect just by your presence. Be bold but humble. Be strong but silent. Be prayerful always and become a Lady of Purpose starting today.


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