Free 2 Be Me

This should be your attitude and thought process when you begin to analyze just who you are. When you look in the mirror you should see who God created you to be. You should see beauty in its own unique way and you should feel powerful and strong. You should walk in your own personal authority on a daily basis. From the moment you wake up in the morning you should embrace who you are and everything your life embodies. The moment you get to the point where you feel you are free to be yourself; it’s like the universe aligns with everything God has in store for you. Blessings begin to come into your life, it is like miracles begin to happen and all good things manifest themselves into existence.

It is also at the moment when you look in the mirror and you see something or somebody you do not like. Who have you become? What or who have you allowed in your circle, space and life that has been able to manipulate your mind and spirit into thinking you were not ok just the way you were. If in fact before you turned into someone who “they” wanted you to be; ask yourself why did you allow that to happen and what was it about that particular individual that made their opinion of you matter to the point you changed into someone they wanted you to be. See, when people come into your life and provoke change that is benefiting them and not you, they are intimidated by who you are and what your future looks like. The problem in this is at this point you may not recognize the greatness and beauty of who you are and the power you possess. It baffles me to see beautiful women and handsome men who are like puppets on a string being guided by somebody because they have no idea who they are or where they are going. This is called a lack of sense of direction.

When people who have hidden agendas or are selfish and intimidated, they begin to pick others apart because they lack what you have. They take pride in destroying and tearing others down who are weak and feeble because it gives them a sense of control. They have issues true enough, but they would not be able to do this had you not handed them the power to do so. You have given them free reign over your mindset. How can you change this???

Begin to do a mirror check. Look yourself in the mirror and if you do not like what you see internally and mentally begin to change it for the better. Get back to you,only this time make it a better you. Surround yourself with people who love and accept you for you. When you begin to see yourself in a more beautiful aspect and know that you can be free to be just who you are; you begin to attract those type of people into your life. Positive people and energy makes a world of difference.

Dispose of people and things that are not good for your mental and emotional well being. Negative energy and people depletes you of all good things. It is a hindrance and blocks blessings. Overcome obstacles, press pass the pains, hurts and failures and start to believe you are more than a conquerer and you can do all things through Christ Jesus who strengthens you.

Take the labels off that others or yourself have put on you. Remove the negative titles off of you and begin to live freely. Begin to smile and laugh more. Begin to wake up and be care free. Do not worry about anything especially the opinions of others. Pray, eat, love and embrace who God created you to be. Your life is what you make it and you have to live for you. You can not live for other people or you will be miserable.

Br free to be you. Love your freedom. Walk in it and embrace it. No one can live your life for you. Never release power to those who fear your fierceness. That gives them power and power over you. Be free to be nobody else but you. Now and forever.

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The Ex Factor

Today is a new day for me and yes, he is still my ex for a reason. He is indeed The Ex Factor that remains a thorn in my flesh to remind why I must never go backwards. Why I must keep pressing and pushing myself forward and allowing myself time to heal and become whole. I will never take what he did out on another man, I still believe in love because I truly know what love is now. I can see where  growth and  deliverance came in and freed me to be a better woman. A woman of true subsatnce and I truly LOVE ME. No matter what I have been through; my past does not dictate my future. I am engulfed in the presence of God and I would have it no other way. I am celibate for  a reason and I choose to wait on God for a mate. My Ex Factor is no longer a factor in my life and never will be besides the fact that he taught me how to love me and to never settle for less than what I deserve. I can now sit and tell him about the goodness of God and offer Christ to him so he will not die and go to hell in prsion. I can now tell other women how God can bring you through and bring you out no matter what you have been through because of The Ex Factor. The Ex Factor has allowed me to go to new heights in life, new levels in my prayer life and new dimensions in how I perceive myself. I have learned to embrace what The Ex Factor did to me because he would not have been able too had I not allowed him too. I take full responsibility and I accepted the ramifications of what transpired in my past. However, today it is with great joy I can tell a piece of my story. This is just a piece of the pie of my life’s trials and tribulations that I have endured but, yet I survived. I am beautiful, strong, courageous and bold in who I am today and I thank God for keeping me and I am humbled by my experiences. I forgive The Ex Factor because now I must allow my light to shine in a world of darkness that GOD may get the glory out of my life; no matter what I have been through I am alive to tell my story.

The situation with The Ex Factor could have taken me out but, God did not allow it to. The situation was meant to break me, but God allowed it to make me. The Ex Factor was meant to kill me, destroy me and assasinate my character….But when God is in it, there is no limit. I say to myself daily, no weapon that is formed against me shall prosper.

The Ex Factor ……….

I learned to never depsie my process but to find joy in the journey. The Ex Factor sometimes can provoke healing and change to take place and that is exactly what mine did.

V-Power

Most women do not realize how much power there is in keeping your vijay jay under lock and key. When a men approaches a woman, nine times out of ten he has already sized you up. When I say that, I mean in regards to whether or not you are a one night stand, a frequent booty call or wife material. They have already quickly imagined what having sex or making love or both would be like with you. They are hunters and they love the chase. The problem for us lies in the fact we jump too soon and begin to imagine what the rest of our lives would be like with this man and not even knowing if he is worth or worthy of the time, love,energy,headaches,fights,getting to know one another takes a lot of time and you still don’t get the full jist of just who they really are.

They (women) become all google-eyed and fall slap into lust because they are just excited,adrenaline running high,pheromones are oozing and they’re just hot in between the legs. Now, if it was true love and you’re working towards marriage and this is really going to happen for the both of you, again I encourage abstinence because there IS power in the vagina. Women I encourage you to wait and keep your power. Once you fall in lust because its not love, trust me its not. You then relinquish that power and you’re on an emotional high getting ready to crash and burn. Once they get the goods, the cookie, the power the chase is over and it is no longer fun for them. They enjoy the challenge. They enjoy the fact that you’re not easy and you make them work. But the moment you begin to allow the hand holding to lead to kissing, to tongue kissing to rubbing and touching, you may as well either stop it cold turkey right then or you are about to go on an emotional roller coaster and you’re going to lose control and you are destined for destruction.

The thing about it is, we as women feel like if we have to hurry up and “do something” before he leaves or someone else comes around and peaks his interest. Listen to me ladies, my queens and my sisters. This brother is so into you right now because you refuse to give it up. It makes him want to work for the goods. It makes him go to another level of thinking with you and he begins to question himself. He begins to wonder what is it about you that makes you worth the chase and he begins to chase harder. He begins to,wonder what is it about himself that makes you say no time and time again. He then begins to shower you with gifts, a little more sincere concern, opens the car doors and walks you to the door at the end of the date. He then begins to call you once he’s in the car and talks to you all the way home. Now you become the first thing he thinks of in the morning and the last thing before he closes his eyes. Sweetheart, there is power in not giving up the vijay jay until you’re married. He then sees that you do have standards, he can take you home to meet mom and the family,that you’re not like every other girl who pretends to be celibate and then give in to the temptation.

The thing about it is, he may still TRY you. That doesn’t mean you have to give in. It also doesn’t mean that he is going to leave you because you said no. What it does is make him question his ego and make him man up and think about how now he has met a real woman with standards, values, priorities and morals. He has finally met a woman who knows the power of her vijay jay. He has met a woman who loves God more than she will ever love him and she is not willing to mess up her relationship with God for a man who is simply at this point a possibility. Ladies please know you do have options and choices as well as men.

Ladies, there IS POWER in your vijay jay. It’s sacred and powerful and precious. Don’t ever think you have to compromise for a man, relationship or a possible future marriage that may or may not happen. I don’t care what people say. They can talk about you, laugh, point the finger or call you a holy rolly or whatever. If its in the bible, no matter how modernized society has become, if its in the bible and it is….save yourself for marriage. It’s more to it than having power. Not to mention soul ties, diseases and pre marital sex that leads to babies out of wedlock. That leads to unplanned parenthood and families. So, yes ladies I encourage you to hold on to your precious power and treat it with tender,loving care. Be kind to it and keep it under lock and key until you connect with a man who respects your walk with Christ, your choice of celibacy and a man who is willing to make the sacrifice and wait because he Knows that you are worth the wait.

Also ladies you must be committed, confident and in control at all times.never feel intimidated or have low self esteem if he is looking elsewhere, he may go be with someone else or he may just bounce. Please believe that he was not worth the time or effort because if he truly knew your worth and seen in you what God has placed in you; he would clearly, without a doubt, no matter what his boys may say, mama may say or whatever…he’ll stick around, make it work and take the necessary steps towards a future with you.

Never backdown in what you believe in, never put your feelings and beliefs on the back burner because he does not believe like you do. Stand strong, keep pressing and know that God has not forgotten about you. He knows the plans he has for you and they are to prosper you and not harm you. Keep trusting God and know that their is power in waiting. There is power in prayer. There is power in celibacy. There is power in your vijay jay. And most importantly, there IS POWER IN YOU!!!!! V-Power ladies. Stand strong, be bold and fight to keep your power!!!

Knowing When 2 Let Go

The topic often rings a bell that women and men that are scorned or heartbroken just don’t know when to let go. Relationships are for the majority of the time a beautiful thing. However, when it goes sour, it normally ends bad. The problem lies in 1. Communication 2. Trust 3. Again, the Failure to communicate how you really feel and the fact it took you an extra 6 months to tell someone that you don’t want them. My issue in this is 1. Don’t string people along. 2. Don’t take away their option away to say if they want to deal with the non sense. People don’t realize that if you’re honest upfront in the beginning and through out the friendship or relationship you avoid the long, drawn out breakup with all the drama and confusion. SIDENOTE…….for the women and men that believe in Facebook,twitter and Instagram stalking, blowing up the phone when the other party refuses to answer and sends you to voicemail, riding by their house, riding by their job; let me tell you now; They DO NOT want you at all. This takes place after they have made it clear that they do not want you. Its over, they’re moving on and nine times out of ten they got somebody else. So,please do yourself and them a favor and let it go. That’s how you know when to let go but, you keep running around here playing the crying game and you gonna be in jail or hurt somewhere because now you are stalking them. Let it go boo boo. God has somebody else for you that will love your lil crazy self just for you and only you. It’s all in love. It’s all in love so smile.

Now, back to those of you who lack communication skills. If you know you do not want to be with someone, whether they are hurt or mad or both, it’s your responsibility to TELL them. Don’t assume, they’ll get the picture, catch a hint and please don’t do the ultimate no no and you just so happen to get caught with somebody else. Man up or woman up and simply tell them the best way you know how in a sincere way. Have some dignity about it and let them down easy because its nothing worse than humiliating someone who loves you and is in love with you. My thing is for men, if you have a mom, daughter, sister, aunts and grandmothers; you know you would not want anyone to do it to them. You’d be pissed off and ready to hurt that man. So my question to you who does those things, why do you do it to someone else’s daughter???? I always tell my son, who is 20; be mindful of how you treat or mistreat a woman. I advise him to never intentionally hurt a woman and don’t string her along. I also tell him never have sex with them if he does not plan to have a future with them so therefore abstinence is best. I remind him that one day he’ll have a daughter of his own and he wants her to be with someone who respects her, loves her and cares for her as well as protect and provide. All I can do is pray he listens to me.

Now, it’s not always men who does the most damage. As much as men feel like they are playing women, I believe you can never out play a woman because we too slick if we want to be. Women can be so slick that they will literally have you fooled into thinking they are only dating you. They will be on a date and talking to you on the phone at the same time and neither of the men have a clue. I’ve seen a female go on two dates in one night and get money from both dudes and didn’t give out any sex. Was I amazed??? Nope, because its in us women. We can be loyal and dedicated to one dude or we can be a player and get what we need from many dudes but only sleeping with that one who knows how to give it to us real good or to that one we plan on settling down with. Now, I am celibate but before I gave my life to Christ I’ve been on both ends. So, trust me it can be done and has been and still is by my sisters around the globe. Now, I can’t tell everything so I will stop here, but just know men it all has a way of coming back on you. Might not be tomorrow or next week, but it’s coming.

For my ladies, when do we know that it’s time to let it go??? If he’s not into you, stop pretending that you don’t see the warning signs and red flags. They are all in your face, but you just so in love you’re ignoring them by choice. Now once he has distanced himself, lying, canceling dates, no showing, ignoring your calls and texts, avoiding you, not intimate with you as often anymore, no more dates, he’s hanging with the boys all the time (excuse to not see you) has to pick up kids, gotta go see about his mama and all the other excuses he has given you; Please let it go!!!

When you see him out and about but he told you he had to work, let it go! When he is always working late now, but money don’t match the time, let it go! I can go on and on and on, but nine times out of ten,women know for real when to let it go. We just play dumb like we don’t know because we have a hard time dealing with rejection. But ladies let me tell you a secret. That rejection is Gods protection. Keep that in mind and do yourself a favor and move on. Let go of the past so you can embrace your future. There is greater in store for you my love. I’ve been there, I’m transparent and do not front like I haven’t been, but time waits on no one and I refuse to stay in a dead end relationship with anybody. It’s unfair to you, so treat yourself better and expect better. When you know better, you do better. When you do better, you receive better.

Knowing when to let go and actually letting go is also an issue. Women can see the red flags and know that it’s time to let go, but because we hope they’ll change or we think that we can change them or we go the extra mile to do extra stuff trying to get their attention back on us we find ourselves stressed out, crying and beating ourselves up. In reality, at that point it’s not the mans fault. It is our fault. You can’t make a man love you, a baby won’t keep him and marriage is not an option at this point. Just simply, let it go. Let it go.

If It’s Not For Sale, Take The Sign Down

Sometimes I wonder why some women get so upset with men when they approach them in a certain way that they feel is disrespectful. Some men approach women based off of what they wear first because they can’t help but notice your attire. Sometimes women dress so provocative and over the top or under dressed. I honestly would love to do real talk panels for women, especially single women in today’s society because I want to know what makes us, as women dress the way we do, what goes through our minds, what has provoked you to take on this mindset and make you say to yourself, even though this dress is so short, if I bend over you can see my tail, but it’s cute and I’m going to wear it anyway. Then, the first man that approaches you about your body or your dress, your neck gets to rolling, fingers snapping and you’re cussing him out from the north, south, the east and the west! Like, for real? Really?????

So, today it crossed my mind that we need to be able to hold one another accountable without us thinking we’re trying to dictate your life or tell you what to do or judge you!!! Because the first thing we think is. Oh she think she better than me or she jealous of me!!! Really??? Why??? And why would be??? We need to help you my sister because had somebody helped us a while back, we would’ve been mad but we would have been thankful and appreciative of the loving, constructive criticism. It is all in HOW you say it and WHEN you say it. It is always timing. Say it in love and it is received in love. Say it in hate, it is indeed received in hate. Lets stick together and stop being so sensitive to sensitive matters of the heart.

I remember being in Lenox mall a few months back. I saw a young girl, she had the tightest pair of pants I’d seen since paint. As soon as she sat down her tail was hanging out and it was apparent she had no drawers on. I saw so so so so so so many women walk by whisper, giggle and point at her and not one woman said to her that her back side was hanging out. True enough, I’m sure she knew, but even so lets help a sister out. I politely went up to her, whispered in her ear and said “sweetie, your backside is hanging out”. She said thank you for telling me. She then proceeded to tell her friend I’m glad somebody told me because she did not know. Now, I agree she should have put some panties on before she put them pants on, but because that’s her personal business and not mine and that’s just my opinion; she was still appreciative that I told her instead of allowing her to walk around and look crazy. Wy her friend didn’t tell her? Because her outfit was just as raunchy, so this is a lifestyle for them. Sad as it may be, it is.

Now, a man is a man. They are equipped and built to LOOK! As sad as it is,they are driven by sex appeal. I don’t care how saved, sanctified, fire baptized and Holy Ghost filled that man is; he’s a man and he likes a nice body. As long as he got eyes, he’s going to look. Bottom line. Now, when it comes to what he wants to take home as a wife, other things come into play beyond looks. Looks is the bonus. When it comes to being a one night stand, a side piece or just something they happen to notice in the store, get a look and keep it moving is something else. Where do you find yourself at based on attire first,daily upkeep of hygiene and credit, character, personality and so many other things. Right now, how do you dress and how does it reflect your relationships and friendships??? How does it affect your home life with kids and family??? Even for those of us women who dress like we are an old lady and we may be in our thirties. Some men can see the potential. Beauty but are you covering it up and it is too much work to break through? That’s another post, so lets focus on ladies if it is not for sale then take the sign down. Stop going out in public looking like you’re going to The Blue Flame to do your set for tonight on stage.

You can be classy and still be sexy. Maybe you need to get a personal stylist if you can afford it. Maybe ask somebody at church or at work who knows how to dress to help you out. Maybe go online and see what body shape you have and what fashion accentuates your shape and figure and then just go try on some clothes and play around in the dressing rooms of some classier stores and play dress up. Then if you’re on a budget, still do the above but then shop at consignment shops and the thrift stores. I kid you not, consignment and thrift stores in high end, middle class areas have some really nice gently used and new items that are name brand and affordable. I’m not too good to go, so I do!!!!

So, ladies lets just keep in mind and be mindful of how we present ourselves to the world. Keep in mind that you attract what you are. You get what you put out. That goes for friendships, relationships, jobs and all. Be mindful if you have kids, especially going to their schools. It’s embarrassing. If you have daughters, you’re teaching them this same behavior because no matter what you say, our children watch what we DO!!! Bottom line.

Please know I love you my beautiful sisters and queens. We are here to uplift each other, to encourage each other and love one another. No drama, no stress and no worries. It’s all love!!!

To Date Or Not To Date

To date or not to date that is the question. The dating scene is clearly what you make it. Dating can be hard and frustrating or it can be fun and exciting. Me, personally have not been on the scene in a while. Lately I’ve been hearing of other singles trying out speed dating, Internet dating sites and game nights with single friends that bring other single friends. However, how do you meet friends, single people without going through the bar scene, the clubs or the Internet? If you’re a single Christian and you choose to wait on God, how to you approach the dating life of being single???

I’ve heard and read in the Bible that singles are to be devoted to God, the cares of the kingdom of God and taking care of whatever needs the ministry lacks that you’re connected too. I have also heard that you’ll never find a mate if you don’t make yourself available. My personal belief is that of the Bible in Proverbs 30; he who finds a wife, finds a good thing and obtains favor with The Lord. For now, I just make sure I keep my appearance up whenever I go out, I make sure I’m seen and not heard, I make sure I am not in ungodly situations and trying my best to wait on God without becoming impatient and making the wrong move with the wrong person.

I now trust God’s timing, where as before I had no patience. Yet, I do wonder from time to time what I am suppose to do if anything??? I see many single people, Christian and non Christian dating and hanging out.they are at the movies, eating out, at kick backs and so on. I also see many at each others homes and at family functions. My question to them is how do they know when to move pass the friend zone? How do you know when it is appropriate to go pass only dating in public places vs being in his or her home. Is it based on you know your limits as to what you can and can not handle. If God delivered you from a sexual demonic spirit that caused you to fornicate, do you think it is appropriate for you to have company at your home and late at night???

If you have kids, being a single parent is another major factor. When do you feel it is appropriate to have that man or woman around your kids? How soon is too soon? I know Steve Harvey says to think like a man but act like a lady. If most individuals aren’t sure about certain areas of their individual lives, if they do not know who they are, if they do not have a clue about being single let alone being single with kids but learning how to date, this can be confusing.

Once you start dating, being an adult but you are a Christian and connected to your spiritual leaders, how soon do you let them meet the person you are dating. Once they give you a blessing Or if they disapprove; are you obedient??? Hmmmm…good question. If you are not waiting on God or obeying God concerning these areas of your life, how can you be obedient to your spiritual parents???

Dating is complicated in its own right. You have to guard your heart and protect your emotions. Women are so emotional it is almost scary when women go into a friendship thinking long term when they have no clue if the man is even thinking past a mere dinner date. Men are more logical and we women are very emotional. Writing our first names with their last names to see how it looks and sounds. This is after meeting the man,yes it seems silly but women go so far into the future it’s sometimes unreal. We can laugh and make jokes but some women go there. If men are not honest and real up front in the beginning, it causes problems in the long run. People seem to fail to realize, women are built this way and even though we can choose to have control over our emotions, most women once emotionally tied to a man and once sexually engaged it takes her emotions for that man to another level. So if me are not ready for commitment and a future with this woman, don’t toy with her, do not have sex with her and it really is ok to let her know that you don’t have those intentions with her. Maybe it will make her more aware of her emotional side and to slow things down. Men have to stop playing on those emotions knowing good and well that he doesn’t want her as his girlfriend, wife or mother of his children. Dating isn’t about sex, living together or cooking all his meals or washing his clothes.

Dating is about getting to know a person. Dating is going out on dates, going to the movies. Bowling, skating,picnics in the park and lunch dates on the weekends. It’s about go cart riding, mountain climbing and ice skating. I mean it is suppose to be fun and lively as you get to know a person and they get to know you. It is suppose to be free, no restrictions as far as having good, clean fun. As time goes on and you get to know one another more, you get to see the real individual. Because people can only suppress a nasty attitude for so long, they only can hide poor money management for so long. You get to see what makes them tick and what makes them smile. You will find out all their secrets,in and outs and their ups and downs. This allows you to see if you can even be in a relationship with them. It allows you to see If they are even right for you, if you can see yourself in a long term committed relationship with this individual. It allows you to see if you guys have anything in common. It will also s
Allow you to see if they believe In opening car doors, pulling out your chair, if they are protective or possessive, if they are sincere or caring, if they have integrity and morals. It allows you to get to know a person for who they really are, bottom line. Whether it is good or bad.

Being friends first is so cliche however, it is necessary because at some point you will even develop a new sense of who you are, what you want and don’t want in a relationship and what you will and will not allow. I have learned that time will tell it all. What time don’t tell the wash will rinse it out and air dry it right before your eyes. Now, what all you learn is up to you. Most women go from one date to the bed, which is bad bad business. Most women go from two dates to engaged. Again,bad business. Some women may not even give the man a chance. I always refer back to the women because the power is ours. The problem in that lies in the fact that we don’t know we have the power and surrender our power to the man and the he dictates how this will be. No, sweetie. There is power in your “power”. When you hold back that power, you get better results. When you give that power over,you get gassed. Period. There’s no pretty way to put it.

In dating, take your time. What’s the rush???? Because whatever God has for you, it is for you. No one can take it away and no one can add to it. God has the final say so. Don’t be discouraged and settle or give up because you are getting a little older or because you haven’t settled down yet. Don’t give up or settle because you don’t have kids yet or because you’re tired of being alone. Go out,date have fun but in all things use discretion and wisdom. In dating, remember the power is yours and do not settle. Do not give up what you believe in just because the other person doesn’t.

Allow dating to be fun and exciting. Don’t allow it to consume you, a relationship and marriage will happen for you when it’s time. God has not forgotten about you, so please don’t forget about the word of God concerning your life and future. Be patient, be wise and date. It’s okay,it all depends on what you’re looking for and what you are expecting. Just do not allow it to consume you, again be patient and wise. Always use discretion in dating.

For those of us who don’t like the bar scene or the club scene, karaoke is fun, restaurants that offer cooking classes are fun, live jazz bands in the park are always a good idea. Also, go on Yelp for fun places to go in your area. There are many different things to do for dating and soon to be couples so, don’t stress over it. Google can always be your go to place when planning and ask around for suggestions. Always make sure that they have a consistent prayer life and a relationship with God. When things get rough and tough, please believe prayer will take you a long way as well as a partner who knows God just as much as you do. One can put a thousand to flight but two can put ten thousand to flight. (Food for thought once deciding to move past the dating stage.)

So, my single people have faith, move forward and have fun.

The Struggle

The struggle lies within
Always familiar with the beginning
But never knowing the end

Uncertainty dwells in the loins of your tomorrow
Traveling down the lane of love
While lust tormentingly throws you to and fro

Desperately hoping deep down within
For a happily ever after sweet tasting end
Facing each day with fear as you pretend
That faith is your dearest and best friend

The struggle lies within
The mere thought of you being overcome by your past sins
Refusing to let go and forgive yourself
You’ve become as still and dusty as a rag doll
On the shelf

The smile you wear has fooled the likes of many
The hurt you hold on to is filled with plenty
Of pain,hurt and disappointment
There is no perfume that cover up this scent
Of abuse,rape,abandonment or despair
You’re alone feeling as if no one cares

Then one day a whisper crosses your eardrum
Reminding you of a Man that had come
To lay down His life that you may be free
To live a life abundantly
Yet the struggle is hard even in the midst of liberty
Your enemy of yester years refuses to leave
But if you can only trust God and surely believe

There’s always a struggle for those who are called and appointed
And yes for this gift,You’re who God anointed
Surely you’ll reap if you do not faint
Write your name on the walls with bright red paint
Reminding the enemy you are covered in the blood
And a Holy Ghost filled,fire baptized and sanctified saint

Built for the struggle and fit for the fight
Shouting from the rooftop with all your might
For God I live and for God I’ll die
No matter what I go through, I will survive
And the devil is a lie

The struggle will always be a struggle
But God will always be God
You don’t have to face the struggle alone when God is for you
He’s more than the world against you……..

Why Good Girls Love Bad Boys…..

This is a subject that has been well discussed time and time again and will continue to be for ages to come. People always want to know how the “bad boys” always gets the “good girls”. When we describe the bad boys it is most often interpreted as the boys from the hood, hats to the back with much swag. They have a hustle, nice car and hopefully a nice home (some of them don’t have cars or a home). However, they lack college education, they lack bank accounts and savings accounts. Bad boys are also interpreted as the guys whose dreams go no further than the typical rap videos or the stereotypical pipe dream of becoming the richest hustler in the hood he grew up in. For some reason these guys are able to pull the prettiest, baddest, well educated women while not having to rise above the hood mentality, but actually using that as bait and the women willingly lower their standards and settle. Why we ask???? We’ll soon discuss.

The term “good girl” is typically described as the young woman that grew up in an affluent family, maybe a suburban neighborhood or maybe a college graduate headed to wealth and fortune depending on her degree and drive. Also known as a woman with a good head on her shoulders, determined to be successful, nice ride, home and handling her business without the help of a man. Another version of a good girl is one who grew up in the hood,seen a lot, exposed to a lot, experienced a lot, but was misguided, lost and abandoned. However, she managed to rise above her circumstances, move out of the ghetto, go to school, became an entrepreneur,became a “boss” in her own right and does not have time to regress because she is on top of her game bettering herself everyday. Could be the famous church girl that all the bad boys love to entice and get them to stray from what they believe in.

Now, most times women go after the bad boy because they catch them at the “right” time, they catch them when they are in a vulnerable state due to a lot of trials, tribulations,their self esteem has been torn down, they lack confidence and/or they don’t want to wait anymore and give in to less than they deserve and they….SETTLE. It’s not what they really want nor desire, but because they have allowed temptation, loneliness and frustration to set in; they settle for the bad boy. Even when he approaches her, she knows in the back of her mind that its all wrong, disrespectful and lacks maturity,but she has made up in her mind that she is tired of being alone. All to well do we know and have seen a very beautiful woman with no power over her “power”. She has let her guards all the way down for this bad boy and he brings nothing to the table,but she lets him eat anyway. He is slowly working his way in, although its not taking much effort. He’s not having to work hard at all to get what he wants. She makes it easy, comfortable and plush just for him. In her mind she can motivate Him do better, help him get in school, find a job and go to church. Little does she know he has a plan of his own.

He’s planning to move into her home, drive her nice expensive car and deplete her funds. She has no idea what she is in store for. He continues to woo her, buy her small, but sentimental gifts, taking her out to eat and staying on the phone with her all night long. He’s slowly killing her softly. Killing her softly with words of untruths and future broken promises. Killing her slowly with deceptions and conniving moments of laughter and chit chatter of meaningless conversations filtered with drops of bitter sweet morsels of false hopes. Because she has let her guard down, he is able to diminish her values and she unknowingly adapts to his beliefs of what boy and girl, Jack and Jill is supposed to be like. Before she knows it, she has become someone she doesn’t even recognize, while trying to convince herself this is who she has always wanted to be.

This good girl gone bad has lost her glow and her glory. She has lost all power over her precious “power” by exposing herself to a world she wasn’t ready to collide with. No longer worried about his bad boy reputation. Her friends and family have become but a distant memory and her only thoughts are of him and her together….forever she hopes and did hope. This bad boy has been on the come up since he met this sweet little good girl and no one can tell her differently. She has convinced herself that he is the one. She doesn’t see that she is slowly becoming the girl she never wanted to be.

Meanwhile, this bad boy is bragging to all his homies how he has hit a home run, how he has really hit the jackpot and he has this good girl right where he wants her. He’s now driving her car, living in her house, he doesn’t pay any bills, eating off of her groceries, having company and living good. Not to mention, if she has kids he is driving a wedge between them because he’s jealous of their relationship. But, he clearly has no interest in the children, he actually wishes they were not there. That way he could cause more damage before moving to the next victim. She has become blinded to the madness.

After he has done all he can, gained all he can and became more materially fortunate from her, he leaves and she is left heartbroken, even more insecure, confidence is gone where she did have just a little bit. Her career is in jeopardy, her house is about to go into foreclosure and her car is about to be repossessed. She is trying to figure how to get from point A to point B from now on because her loving bad boy has gone on to plan B after using her, emotionally abusing her and the depletion of just about all her funds if not all of it. She is embarrassed, she can’t ask anyone for help and now she has to bite the bullet.

This good girl has gone terribly bad in all the wrong ways. She has suffered a major set back and no longer is viewed in her eyes as having it all together. This good girl no longer is a good girl. She has allowed this bad boy to spoil her literally rotten. All she wanted was love, all she wanted was some attention, all she wanted was a man to fill the void of something she missed in her childhood, all she wanted was someone to accept her for who she really was. She is a little girl lost internally and emotionally. She is a afraid to be alone. She has not faced her fears or her past. She has not learned who she REALLY is in God. She does not know what true love is so it is easy for her to settle and be misguided. She’s beautiful and elegant on the outside. She has many accomplishments and has achieved much. She is financially stable and put together, but on the inside she’s missing a lot. She is wounded from her past, broken from her pain and has no clue who she is. This is WHY good girls attract bad boys. Good girls attract what they feel internally. They attract what’s on the inside. Everything becomes evident on the outside.

This good girl will pass up Mr. Right for a Mr. Wrong because she is afraid of what comes with the right guy. The right man will force change and growth. The right man will pull the greatness out of her that causes her to work on self. And the right man will not even consider a future with her in a messed up state. But, see this Mr.Wrong, bad boy type will take her as she is because he means her no good anyway. All he wants is to leech off of her and get what he can get. He is willing to deal with the messed up attitude for the money. The bad boy is willing to deal with the insecurities and just tell her what she wants to hear to have a place to live.

It’s not that she wants to be with this bad boy but she is comfortable there. She is willing to deal with the cheating because she just wants a man. She is willing to accept his lies and deception, him not answering the phone at night, him not coming home because she is in love with the idea of being in a relationship. This is really not her idea of a relationship, marriage or a future. She has chosen to settle because she is tired of being alone and to pitiful to put in work to become a better person from within.

Now that bad boy is gone, if she can manage to stay single and do some soul searching, she may actually be able to become free to be a better “me”. Just because the package is wrapped nicely does not mean that the “gift” is assembled and ready for display. Good girls do love bad boys but for all the wrong reasons that just so happen to be coming around at the right time. Bad boys can teach good girls a very good and hard lesson if we as good girls would only learn the first time.

One day you’ll see these beautiful good girls with strong, handsome,hard working good guys that hold integrity and education along with respect for women and swag. Not until the good girls learn their worth and begin to embody self love.

There is hope….there is hope after all for the Good Girl.

Miss Independent

I see absolutely nothing wrong with being a single, independent female in today’s society. I agree that if you are well and able, healthy and full of drive, passion and intelligence then, go for it!!! My only issue with this is, do you know how to separate it in relationships and do you know how to switch hats and just be his lady when in a relationship. All men love a woman that is doing her thing is actually a help mate instead of a hindrance. I hear so many women shouting from the roof tops that they don’t need a man, they are fine being single and that a man has to be super awesome to change their single status. However……….I see too often these same women and others are going home alone at night, they are actually lonely instead of alone because there is a difference and they are praying for a man harder than Noah prayed for the rain to stop!!!! So, lets be real with ourselves today my beautiful queens. The honest truth is no matter how we proclaim to be this hard core I work hard independent mantra; we would love to be married because that is what God intended and how He designed us. If we can be honest enough to be vulnerable enough and to be transparent enough, he may just come along.

We must soften the blow, lighten the attitude and be for real about what we want. Stop being ashamed because you are alone. See, it’s shameful when you haven’t realized you are lonely and you then become thirsty and then you keep attracting Mr.Wrong every single time until you slap yourself and stop the madness. You don’t have to talk to every man that approaches you. Stop it! You look easy, thirsty and a mess. Ok, I’ve been there. It’s okay, just stop. See, I didn’t have anyone to tell me this. Instead they just sat back, watched and laughed and judged. Instead of keeping it real with me and letting me know how pathetic I looked in the past! But it’s cool because I’m going to help my sisters from now on. We must stick together and help each other out. We must do better.

Back to business……

There’s nothing wrong with being in love. We’ve been hurt a time or two or more… 😉 but let it go and let it not dictate your future. Every man is not the same. Really. God has a man just for you. So, after you have accomplished all your dreams, goals and achievements wouldn’t it be nice to share a life of love with it? You can’t travel with yourself forever and say you’re just fine. If you did , I honestly think you’d be kidding yourself to avoid dealing with the facts. I’m not saying date just any old man now, lets be wise here. What I am saying is soften your heart but guard it at the same time and when love does come, if its the right man who God has sent then, allow love in and to blossom and flourish in your life. You’ll see just how beautiful it is and how sweet it smells. You’ll actually love it.

Being independent is a beautiful thing as well. It is what you have dreamed of doing. It is your life and all that you have achieved. It is your livelihood and your passion so yes be independent but don’t allow that one sided mentality of it make you miss out on true love from God! As you continue on in your dreams and quests, remember that love is on your side and it isn’t against you. It is for you when it’s the right person for you. You deserve the best because that’s what God wants for you. It’ll go along with your inner beauty, the beauty of your accomplishments and the beauty of the love you have to give.

Side note: when the man does come along, don’t be so rough and hard. It’s okay to smile and not frown all the time. Remember, he’s not that guy who you used to be with. He’s not that guy who hurt you or lied to you or cheated on you or used you. He’s not your past. He is a sign of hope, newness, freshness and the future (maybe). Don’t rush either, let it take its course and just flow one day at a time. One phone call at a time. One date at a time. Now he must absolutely recognize your worth. He can not come with the foolishness and bafoonery at all because yes he will get dismissed. However, he must court you, respect you and acknowledge that he understands his position in this could be relationship. Just show him a little mercy until he proves he’s worthy of your love.

So, you can be as independent as you want to be, just remember to be loving and kind to yourself as well.

Epiphany

Have you ever woke up early in the morning and you feel different??? Almost as if something is about to happen and change is about to come. You suddenly realize that the universe is aligning with the will of God for your life. It all goes back to submitting to God and living a righteous life, working hard to achieve our dreams and believing in yourself. Today was my day!

I can relate when people say they’ve had an epiphany after a long time of going through many trials and tribulations. After suffering heartache and uncertainty and having the courage to not give up. This process of learning who you are, learning how to be courageous,admitting your failures, dealing with the man in the mirror and saying yes to a better you. In the back of your mind, you’re feeling scared and unsure of what tomorrow may hold because you have surrendered your all to God but having faith to trust God no matter what it looks like.

It takes faith to move past the epiphanies of your life. Especially as a single mom, single individual or newly single man or woman. You have to somewhat “get back to you” in a sense of renewing your mind, thinking for only one person and knowing that you may never have someone to say “you did well” or “you are beautiful” or “I support you”. I’ve never had that from anyone except my adult son and all of his life he’d tell me that it’s going to be ok. He always told me how much he loves me and that he has my back. Even at times when I knew he couldn’t help financially or emotionally; mentally knowing that his heart was in the right place at that moment, meant the world to me. So many people had given up on me and I felt like I was alone and maybe unworthy of living my dreams or having a spouse but it wasn’t until I looked in the mirror one day and began to say to myself that I do deserve love, my dreams,my joy,my smile and everything God has promised me that I realized those people just wanted me to literally die on the inside so they could watch me decay on the outside. They enjoyed laughing at my pain. I decided to cut these individuals off and move forward. Sometimes it even includes family and friends. Because any time a person or persons does not encourage you, motivate you or drive you to greatness they are in return sucking life out of you in a relationship or friendship that is one sided. Sometimes severing ties is the antidote to your issues. Sever soul ties as well. People that you have been intimate with and you can’t seem to let go but they have moved on; sever the soul tie. You’re blocking your future mate from coming because again baggage is weighing you down and drowning you out.

Today I had an epiphany. I woke up feeling like I’m being held down by my circumstances, by negative people in my life, gossiping individuals and people that have no drive for themselves let alone for me. Always downing what I’m trying to accomplish and always looking crazy when I talk about my dreams. Well, today I woke up feeling beautifully blessed beyond my wildest dreams and I feel so free from negative energy. I asked God to please free me from negative people and things and today it has started happening. It may be a lonely walk to wealth,your future, your dreams and all, but I can guarantee that it will be well worth it because along the way God replaces those negative people and things with positive ones that will make a great impact in your life and vise versa. Don’t give up no matter how frustrating it may be.

I especially want to encourage my single people because it can be frustrating and irritating at the same time,but God has not forgotten about us. We have to get to that point in life and say ok God I surrender and I give it all to you. Now, what do I do? And He will begin to speak to you and show you exactly what He has in store for you. It will all begin to fall into place and make sense. At that given moment the epiphany of your life will set in and you will feel like you can conquer the world!

I remember the song by Stevie Wonder named “You and I” and I think about God and the relationship we have. That song embodies how I feel. Me and God can conquer the world! I am thankful for my epiphany and I no longer need validation from people or things. All I need is to believe In God and who He says I am. I believe in my dreams, my goals, my life and most importantly I believe in ME!!!! So, today I salute my single people on doing what your heart says concerning your dreams and aspirations because now is the time to cease the moment. If the light bulb has come on, that’s your epiphany! If your dreams are coming back alive, that is your epiphany! If your gifts are being unlocked and you are ready to go after your dreams and goals, that is your epiphany! Let no one tell you no or you can’t! Pray and believe God! Work hard and it shall come to pass!!!!