This is a subject that has been well discussed time and time again and will continue to be for ages to come. People always want to know how the “bad boys” always gets the “good girls”. When we describe the bad boys it is most often interpreted as the boys from the hood, hats to the back with much swag. They have a hustle, nice car and hopefully a nice home (some of them don’t have cars or a home). However, they lack college education, they lack bank accounts and savings accounts. Bad boys are also interpreted as the guys whose dreams go no further than the typical rap videos or the stereotypical pipe dream of becoming the richest hustler in the hood he grew up in. For some reason these guys are able to pull the prettiest, baddest, well educated women while not having to rise above the hood mentality, but actually using that as bait and the women willingly lower their standards and settle. Why we ask???? We’ll soon discuss.
The term “good girl” is typically described as the young woman that grew up in an affluent family, maybe a suburban neighborhood or maybe a college graduate headed to wealth and fortune depending on her degree and drive. Also known as a woman with a good head on her shoulders, determined to be successful, nice ride, home and handling her business without the help of a man. Another version of a good girl is one who grew up in the hood,seen a lot, exposed to a lot, experienced a lot, but was misguided, lost and abandoned. However, she managed to rise above her circumstances, move out of the ghetto, go to school, became an entrepreneur,became a “boss” in her own right and does not have time to regress because she is on top of her game bettering herself everyday. Could be the famous church girl that all the bad boys love to entice and get them to stray from what they believe in.
Now, most times women go after the bad boy because they catch them at the “right” time, they catch them when they are in a vulnerable state due to a lot of trials, tribulations,their self esteem has been torn down, they lack confidence and/or they don’t want to wait anymore and give in to less than they deserve and they….SETTLE. It’s not what they really want nor desire, but because they have allowed temptation, loneliness and frustration to set in; they settle for the bad boy. Even when he approaches her, she knows in the back of her mind that its all wrong, disrespectful and lacks maturity,but she has made up in her mind that she is tired of being alone. All to well do we know and have seen a very beautiful woman with no power over her “power”. She has let her guards all the way down for this bad boy and he brings nothing to the table,but she lets him eat anyway. He is slowly working his way in, although its not taking much effort. He’s not having to work hard at all to get what he wants. She makes it easy, comfortable and plush just for him. In her mind she can motivate Him do better, help him get in school, find a job and go to church. Little does she know he has a plan of his own.
He’s planning to move into her home, drive her nice expensive car and deplete her funds. She has no idea what she is in store for. He continues to woo her, buy her small, but sentimental gifts, taking her out to eat and staying on the phone with her all night long. He’s slowly killing her softly. Killing her softly with words of untruths and future broken promises. Killing her slowly with deceptions and conniving moments of laughter and chit chatter of meaningless conversations filtered with drops of bitter sweet morsels of false hopes. Because she has let her guard down, he is able to diminish her values and she unknowingly adapts to his beliefs of what boy and girl, Jack and Jill is supposed to be like. Before she knows it, she has become someone she doesn’t even recognize, while trying to convince herself this is who she has always wanted to be.
This good girl gone bad has lost her glow and her glory. She has lost all power over her precious “power” by exposing herself to a world she wasn’t ready to collide with. No longer worried about his bad boy reputation. Her friends and family have become but a distant memory and her only thoughts are of him and her together….forever she hopes and did hope. This bad boy has been on the come up since he met this sweet little good girl and no one can tell her differently. She has convinced herself that he is the one. She doesn’t see that she is slowly becoming the girl she never wanted to be.
Meanwhile, this bad boy is bragging to all his homies how he has hit a home run, how he has really hit the jackpot and he has this good girl right where he wants her. He’s now driving her car, living in her house, he doesn’t pay any bills, eating off of her groceries, having company and living good. Not to mention, if she has kids he is driving a wedge between them because he’s jealous of their relationship. But, he clearly has no interest in the children, he actually wishes they were not there. That way he could cause more damage before moving to the next victim. She has become blinded to the madness.
After he has done all he can, gained all he can and became more materially fortunate from her, he leaves and she is left heartbroken, even more insecure, confidence is gone where she did have just a little bit. Her career is in jeopardy, her house is about to go into foreclosure and her car is about to be repossessed. She is trying to figure how to get from point A to point B from now on because her loving bad boy has gone on to plan B after using her, emotionally abusing her and the depletion of just about all her funds if not all of it. She is embarrassed, she can’t ask anyone for help and now she has to bite the bullet.
This good girl has gone terribly bad in all the wrong ways. She has suffered a major set back and no longer is viewed in her eyes as having it all together. This good girl no longer is a good girl. She has allowed this bad boy to spoil her literally rotten. All she wanted was love, all she wanted was some attention, all she wanted was a man to fill the void of something she missed in her childhood, all she wanted was someone to accept her for who she really was. She is a little girl lost internally and emotionally. She is a afraid to be alone. She has not faced her fears or her past. She has not learned who she REALLY is in God. She does not know what true love is so it is easy for her to settle and be misguided. She’s beautiful and elegant on the outside. She has many accomplishments and has achieved much. She is financially stable and put together, but on the inside she’s missing a lot. She is wounded from her past, broken from her pain and has no clue who she is. This is WHY good girls attract bad boys. Good girls attract what they feel internally. They attract what’s on the inside. Everything becomes evident on the outside.
This good girl will pass up Mr. Right for a Mr. Wrong because she is afraid of what comes with the right guy. The right man will force change and growth. The right man will pull the greatness out of her that causes her to work on self. And the right man will not even consider a future with her in a messed up state. But, see this Mr.Wrong, bad boy type will take her as she is because he means her no good anyway. All he wants is to leech off of her and get what he can get. He is willing to deal with the messed up attitude for the money. The bad boy is willing to deal with the insecurities and just tell her what she wants to hear to have a place to live.
It’s not that she wants to be with this bad boy but she is comfortable there. She is willing to deal with the cheating because she just wants a man. She is willing to accept his lies and deception, him not answering the phone at night, him not coming home because she is in love with the idea of being in a relationship. This is really not her idea of a relationship, marriage or a future. She has chosen to settle because she is tired of being alone and to pitiful to put in work to become a better person from within.
Now that bad boy is gone, if she can manage to stay single and do some soul searching, she may actually be able to become free to be a better “me”. Just because the package is wrapped nicely does not mean that the “gift” is assembled and ready for display. Good girls do love bad boys but for all the wrong reasons that just so happen to be coming around at the right time. Bad boys can teach good girls a very good and hard lesson if we as good girls would only learn the first time.
One day you’ll see these beautiful good girls with strong, handsome,hard working good guys that hold integrity and education along with respect for women and swag. Not until the good girls learn their worth and begin to embody self love.
There is hope….there is hope after all for the Good Girl.